Step One: Smoke Out

The memory of my first cigarette is about as clear to me as my first drunken night. Needless to say, it's a bit blurry. I do remember that I was a junior in high school, so either 16 or 17 years old, and I was with two of my girlfriends. We were driving around in one of their cars, just scooping the loop as we used to say. When one friend got them out and 'peer pressured' me into trying one, I thought, ok, I can do this. When in actuality, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know how to get it lit, I was afraid to put it in my mouth and puff on it, basically I thought I was going to die...or at least go to hell for trying them. After that day, I picked up the nasty habit because I truthfully thought that it made me a little bit more cool. All of the popular kids were smokers and I hoped that by sharing something with them, maybe they'd like me. In the end, I realized that I never really liked myself, so it didn't matter whether other people cared for me or not. But, that's another story...

I've never considered myself a smoker, even though I've been doing it off and on for around 9 or 10 years. I typically go through phases where I'll smoke for a year then take the next year off. The fact that I was able to quit whenever I felt like it without going crazy seemed to justify my idea that I wasn't really a smoker. My latest smoking frenzy started in March of 2012. I had recently been promoted at my previous job, and the stress of it began to really take it's toll on me. Many of my co-workers were also smokers, so it was nice to take a break at work and bitch about the day's events. I didn't intend to start smoking all the time, was just going to do it at work. But, if you're like me, if there are smokes in my car, I will smoke them. There's no stopping me. I have no self control in that situation. I sound like an addict...

I had been wanting to quit pretty much since I started up again, but with planning a wedding, changing jobs, and dealing with day to day stress, I just wasn't fully committed to the idea of stopping. I wasn't ready yet, I guess. When I'm smoking, I can tell. My body hates me for it. I get tired all the time, and feel out of breath just walking to my car. Granted, I could stand to lose 10 pounds, but that had nothing to do with it. I was killing my lungs once again, and needed to stop. On New Year's Eve I was going on a party bus with friends and knew that I would want to smoke. I bought a pack that day, smoked maybe 6 cigarettes through the course of the night, then gave away the rest of my pack, something I've never done before. I've been smoke free since the start of 2013 and have loved every minute of it. I have more energy, and best of all, I don't feel out of breath walking to my car anymore!

My decision to quit smoking is just one aspect of the healty lifestyle I am trying to maintain. Do I fear that I will smoke again? Yes, but right now I am committed to being the best me I can be. What are you willing to give up to be the best you can be?