Proud LIttle Sister

I spent the last weekend over in Sioux City with a friend...kind of a girly get away I guess you could say. While down there, I met up with my borther Austin. It's been a couple months since I last saw him, so I was looking forward to catching up and seeing how his Kosama was going. I made arrangements for him to come pick me up downtown. While on the phone he said that I was going to be shocked when I saw him. I thought, oh yeah, whatever...he's just being typical Austin. When I opened up the truck door and climbed inside I about, excuse my language, shit my pants! Holy Cow!! Who was this skinny dude and where was my brother! Honestly, it creeped me out for a few hours until I could get used to seeing him that way. I think he's lost somewhere between 25-35 pounds...whoa, weighing in around 185 pounds I believe he said. It's very strange to see someone you love and care about look so differently from what you've seen for the last ten years. I'm very happy for him because he's wanted to drop weight for a long time. I'm not sure what the kicker was for him this time around...between Kosama class, increased water intake, high protein, and paying closer attention to his caloric intake, he's managed to do what he's wanted to do for years. I'm very proud of him for not giving up. Makes my heart smile :)

I, on the other hand, have not managed to impress myself lately. Seems like there's been so much going on recently that I haven't been able to focus on ME. I'm almost finished with Insanity...only about a week left. Seems like I started it forever ago! Let me tell ya though, I am MORE than ready to be finished with it.
I've also been feeling really fatigued lately. My workouts haven't been too stellar and my meals have been less than healthy the last few weeks. I'm pretty positive that's why I feel like I have no energy. This is the worst I've felt since before the new year... The last thing I want to do is fall back into old habits, so to pull myself out of the rut that I've been gradually slipping in to I intend to start journaling again. I will keep track of my food and fitness once again to give myself another kick in the butt. I realized that it's ok to need help...so I'm going to help me help myself.

We all have moments of frustration or we feel like we've screwed up on some level. The only way to beat those moments are to not dwell on them and instead pull ourselves away from them and come out stronger in the end. It's ok to from time to time feel like a loser or failure...but it's not ok to accept that we are either of those things!! I remind myself all the time that I am not perfect. I make mistakes. But I also know that I freaking rock! It's a new day...why not make the most of it?

You Know Who You Are

Ok...this post is mostly directed at a friend of mine who I think needs a little kick in the butt with their weight loss. This person, and I think you know who you are, has already come a long ways, but still has many goals that haven't been reached yet. Basically, a plateau has been hit and motivation has possibly been deterred by it. So what do you do when you hit that wall and feel like giving up? Here are my thoughts...take them or leave them!

Pick up the pace! Get moving! Find an activity that you enjoy that makes you sweat! I know Insanity isn't for everyone, which is why, even though I do it myself, I don't recommend it to everyone. Everybody needs to find something that fits who they are. If you aren't a down and dirty and like to have sweat dripping from your body kind of person, then find something else that isn't so challenging in the beginning. Maybe find a workout DVD that is targeted at beginners. A tape that will work on your flexibility and mobility. I think even some yoga or pilates would be a great starter place. When you get used to the routine of beginning to workout, add some strength training. Now, I don't mean you need to hit a weight room with 20 pound dumbells...but, find another tape that uses light weights with circuit training. I, personally, like Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones.

I also think it's really important to get your cardio on! You may think that running may not be in the cards right now, but get out there and try because if you don't, how will you ever know what you are capable of!? Start with walking and add short intervals where you pick up your feet and your pace. Worried about people seeing you and 'making fun' of you? Who cares! Seriously, would you rather have people make fun of you because 'you're fat and lazy' or because 'you're a fat girl trying to run?' At least you are working to better yourself. You can't let what other people think or what you only think they are thinking affect who you are as a person. Don't sacrifice something that is important to you simply because you are a little scared. You are a stronger person than that!

Remember why you started your journey in the first place...you no longer wanted to be labeled as the fat person. Think how great you feel from what you've accomplished so far. I know that watching the scale can really put a burden on you...because even though the numbers may not always go down on there, remember that you could be losing inches elsewhere. Start measuring yourself every two weeks and see what happens. If you start a fitness regimen, there is no way that you won't lose more weight. Eating better/healthier is only the first step. It's time to take the next!

See you this weekend, friend :)

Giving UP

Yesterday when I got home from work, I changed into my workout clothes and headed upstairs to do my Insanity workout....maybe I should rewind a moment....lately I've been dreading these workouts for several reasons. One--Travis quit doing them with me, so I lost my workout buddy. Two--They are longer than the first month and more intense. Three--I haven't lost a single pound, I actually gained like two (and yes, I know, muscle weighs more than fat). Because of these three reasons alone, I have lost a lot of the drive and motivation I had in the beginning. Fast forward back to yesterday....I turned on the video and did about two or three minutes of the warm-up and gave up. I turned off the television and DVD player and went downstairs and text Travis and told him it was his fault that I wanted to give up because he already quit. He responded by asking me if he jumped off a bridge, would I do it, too? After thinking about what he said and staring at my body for a good five minutes in the full length mirror, I decided to buck up and go finish the goal that I had started...to finish Insanity. I sweated my way through another grueling 53 minutes of max plyo interval training, something which you can't truly appreciate until you are done and sitting on the couch cooling down for a beat. I always feel twenty times better after a good workout, but the working out part isn't always easy, fun, enjoyable or anything else that would make it somewhat appealing. Don't get me wrong, I love a good run, and those are pretty much always enjoyable for me, but doing the work that it takes to change your body isn't exactly a walk in the park. I guess I just need to keep in mind that Rome wasn't built in a day....and neither can a hot body be sculpted in a couple months :)  Someday I will get there, right? As long as I don't give up or quit or get pregnant! Which leads me to a funny point, I was actually hoping that I would get pregnant just to have an excuse to not have to finish Insanity. Go me, right? 

If you are going through a lapse in motivation and are on the verge of giving up on your goal....stop, take a beat, and think about why you are doing the things you are doing in the first place. If you are disappointed now in how things are going, you will sure as heck be even more disappointed if you give up during a weak moment. Just keep swimming :)

Plans...

Plans...we all have them...but they don't always happen how we...well, how we plan them to.

I married my husband last August with full intentions of trying to get pregnant right away. After a few conversations with my him, family and friends, I decided that I might as well wait until after the honeymoon in December. They said I should enjoy myself  and not risk being sick and pregnant. Plus, we were spending all that money on the trip so I better take advantage of it. In the end, it all made perfect sense. In November we decided that if we got pregnant it wouldn't matter anyways because we would be back from the honeymoon before we would know it, so at that point we decided we could stop not trying to get pregnant. If it happened, it happened was our motto. However, it's hard to not let trying to get pregnant take over most of your thoughts and preoccupy you from what really matters...the here and now. From November through Janurary, I was consumed with the idea of getting pregnant, and every month I was disappointed when it didn't happen.

And then....I busied myself with working out and trying to get into better shape. I had gained around 10 pounds since the wedding and I wasn't happy with myself. I also thought that maybe the weight gain was affecting my chances of getting pregnant. Working out and eating healthier coundn't hurt my chances then, right? Wanting to get pregnant was one of the main reasons I decided to pave a healthier path for my life. Since then, we haven't stopped trying to get pregnant, but we aren't necessarily trying either. At least now getting pregnant isn't my focus. Being healthier is.

Not too long ago, I told myself it will happen when it's supposed to happen. Clearly at this point in our lives, God knows we aren't ready or he has other plans in store for us. After talking to my sister in-law Julie this last weekend, I really started to believe that more. I've always doubted my ability to be a good Mother and she told me she believed in me...that I would be a great Mother. She said that right now I should just enjoy life and it will happen when it is supposed to. She herself had a difficult time getting pregnant with their oldest child. After that, they got used to the idea that maybe another child just wasn't part of God's plan for them. Three years went by and then the next thing she knew, she was sitting in the doctor's office being told that they were pregnant. It came as a complete surprise, but they couldn't be happier now!

I guess my sister in law's story reinforces in me how important it is to believe that God does have a plan for all of us. And if children are in my future, then it will happen when it's supposed to. There's no sense trying to hurry up something that I don't really have control over. I'm doing my best to start living more in the moment and not be so concerned with the future. Afterall, our futures are made by the actions and decisions we make in the present.

I previously worked with a woman who was literally one of my best friends for the three years we were co-workers. Not only was she a great friend to me, she was like a second Mother. I don't know if she ever knew how much I valued her, but I did. When she was younger, she also had a hard time getting pregnant. She tried and tried and after probably countless unanswered prayers, she and her husaband adopted a boy and a girl. Time went by, and lo and behold, she found herself pregnant! Another miracle baby. What I remember most about her story though was what she told me one day while a certain song was playing on the radio. Unanswered Prayers, by Garth Brooks. She told me that whenever that song played she thought of the two children she adopted and how she had them because of seemingly unanswered prayers. She would have been very sad if she had never adopted them.It literally brought tears to her eyes and then mine. And now whenever I hear that song I can't help but think of her and that day she told me the story...it still gets to me every time!

In my heart, all I know for sure is that God really does have a plan for all of us...it may not be the same as the plans we made for ourselves or even what we think we want/need, but faith will get us through anything, good, bad, happy, sad, wonderful and tragic. I've also always believed that God never gives us more than we can handle and because of that, I know some pretty strong people...

I'm feeling rather nostalgic today...and dreamy...and happy :)
I realize my blog focus has taken a slightly different course than what you all are used to, but these things are important to me and soothe me as I write about them.

Blessed

Do you ever suddenly just stop and smile because you realize that right now, at this moment in time, you coudn't be any happier? Today I am feeling very blessed and appreciative of what I have. Let me tell you why...


Me and my second place medal :)



I spent this last weekend visiting my half brother Jay and his family down in Carroll. I went down to Carroll primarily because I was running in a 5K at Swan Lake. I drove down there Friday afternoon, had a nice relaxing evening with the family, and got up early Saturday morning for the run. It was a much chillier morning than I expected it to be, but nothing like the last 5K I did in February! Anyways, as I began the run, which went on the trail around the lake, I was feeling really good...until about the .2 mile mark where there began a nice steep hill. Yucky. Turns out the whole trail was up and down with small and big hills to test each step I took. I'm used to running on pretty much all flat ground, so this was actually a challenge for me because not only was I trying to keep my pace, but I was really focusing on trying to step it up and get a great time. I ended up finishing in 2nd place with a time of 25:03, which I was really happy with. I wouldn't say that it's an amazing time, but it's so much better than what I was running earlier in the year. My body has come a long ways in a few months and I couldn't be happier with that.

 I will defnitely be going back next year to run in this particular race again. The run was hosted by SunnyBrook of Carroll, an assisted living type of place that works hard with Alzheimer's patients. The registration monies went to research for a cure. I love when the enterance fees actually go towards a good cause and not just for whatever. It makes the runs that much more meaningful for me.

The fact that I did well at this run is not the only reason why I am feeling blessed. As I said, I stayed with my half brother Jay and his family all weekend. He is married to a fantastic lady and has two amazingly well behaved children. Did I mention they were cute as heck, too? I have several siblings who I love deeply, but first met Jay only three years ago. He and I share the same biological father, but he was given up for adoption when he was born. We were able to find each other through Facebook and the rest is history I guess! I feel so blessed to have met him and gotten to know his family, including his adoptive parents. I have never known a man who was more caring and devoted to his family than Jay is. I know he doesn't know it, but I look up to him so much! After every visit I have with him and his wife, I go home striving to be a better person and have a renewed sense of faith. They are my role models, and I only hope to be half the parents that they are someday. Blessed...that's what I am just to know them. Blessed <3

Rock Star Moment

It's no secret that Iowa weather has been yucky lately, so when I can get out for a run, I have to take advantage of it because it might be a week before it's nice enough again. Yesterday I got my first outdoor run in in over a week :/  Feeling a bit like a slacker, but whatever...I do what I can. Since I hadn't ran in a while, I decided to push myself a bit harder and go for a good 5K time. I ended up finishing the 5K in 24:30, which is the best time I've had in a REALLY long time. I was super pumped about it! While I was running yesterday, I kept track of my split times, basically so I could gage how hard to push myself. I finished the first mile at 7:47, the second at 16:05 and then the final 1.1 miles at 24:30. I was surprised that my first mile was as fast as it was considering I was running against the wind the entire time. I got a little burned out the last two miles so I was a little slower. Still, I impressed myself and that's all that matters. I am running a 5K in Carroll this Saturday, so I'm hoping to run a time comparable to this one, but as long as I'm winded, out of breath, and have shaking legs when I cross the finish line, well, then I know I tried :)

Insanity update:
Almost finished with recovery week, and then it's on to month two!! Can't wait to push myself harder and do some new moves. I am beginning to get bored with month one discs, so I'm ready for a change up! On the downside, I recently noticed that my left knee and right hip have been acting a little funny this last week-ish. Think maybe all the jumping is finally beginning to catch up with my joints. First negative effect I've experienced from the Insanity workouts...

I'm already trying to figure out what new workout I want to try next! Call me crazy, but I'm addicted. I may not look like a fitness model, but I feel better than....EVER....

Support System, Bragging Rights & Other Riff Raff

One of the things that gets me really excited about working out is just talking about it with my friends. I currently have a small group of friends that are also very much excited about getting into better shape and some of us are all even doing Insanity, too, which is super cool. We talk about how much we hate Shaun T some days and then laugh about it later. I think it's very important to try and surround yourself with other people that are trying to better themselves. Not only do they help boost your confidence and motivate you, but they also are able to share their own stories, ups and downs. If you are married or living with a partner, or even just a roommate, it's also important to have their support. I feel like I have built a good support system around me, and I attribute some of my success at sticking with things like Insanity, and just working out in general, to those people. If I wasn't able to talk about diet and fitness with my husband and close friends without feeling silly or awkward, then I would be a very lonely person. Weird, but true.

I also firmly believe that sometimes you just have to brag about what you've accomplished. I think it's freaking cool that I'm doing Insanity, something I thought I would probably never do, and I want to tell people about it. If I just finished a really long or fast run, I want to talk about that, too. Is it so wrong to share something your proud of? If people can brag about their kids, job, golf game, whatever, then I can brag about my workout. I think it's funny when people get annoyed by it because they obviously don't realize that they are just as annoying in different ways! Haha :)  So don't ever be afraid to share something your proud of...because what other people think isn't why you are sharing it in the first place. You are sharing it because you are proud of your accomplishment and it makes you feel good. It has nothing to do with anybody else.

So, that being said, here is how things have been going for me lately. After today's workout I will be 23 days done with Insanity...only 40 more to go, so just over 1/3 of the way done! Truthfully, I haven't lost weight, but I know I've replaced some fat with muscle. As I've said before, the scale does not rule me, but I thought for anybody that was interested in my results for their own purposes or curiosity I would share that bit of information. I have read several reviews about Insanity, and many people say they don't notice many results until during the second month when the workouts become more intense. The first month is more to get you ready for the hell that comes during month two...needless to say, I'm getting quite nervous to start the second set of tapes in about 2 weeks :/  

The weather has not been great around here lately, but I've been trying to get out for runs a couple times a week. Even though I'm doing Insanity, I want to keep up with my running as well. I have a 5K coming up April 27th that I need to start getting ready for. My goal is to improve my time from my previous 5K, which shouldn't be hard considering I was running in 27 degrees with 20 mph winds for that one! Uhg, that was awful... I have a few other runs lined up that I will be doing as well.

My brother Austin and I have talked about doing an obstacle run in Sioux City this summer. I don't know if we actually will, but I think it's pretty cool that it's something he is even interested in doing. He has been doing Kosama for several weeks now, has dropped quite a bit of weight and inches, and is feeling awesome. I'm super excited for him because I know he's missed the feeling of being athletic and in shape. I don't think he's quite where he wants to be yet, but he is going to keep on keeping on. I love that him and I can call each other up and share workouts and other things related to that. He's part of my non-judgemental support system.

Other than all that, I can't think of much else to share today. I hope you all have luck building your own support system, and remember that I'm always here to listen and share with you :)