Plans...

Plans...we all have them...but they don't always happen how we...well, how we plan them to.

I married my husband last August with full intentions of trying to get pregnant right away. After a few conversations with my him, family and friends, I decided that I might as well wait until after the honeymoon in December. They said I should enjoy myself  and not risk being sick and pregnant. Plus, we were spending all that money on the trip so I better take advantage of it. In the end, it all made perfect sense. In November we decided that if we got pregnant it wouldn't matter anyways because we would be back from the honeymoon before we would know it, so at that point we decided we could stop not trying to get pregnant. If it happened, it happened was our motto. However, it's hard to not let trying to get pregnant take over most of your thoughts and preoccupy you from what really matters...the here and now. From November through Janurary, I was consumed with the idea of getting pregnant, and every month I was disappointed when it didn't happen.

And then....I busied myself with working out and trying to get into better shape. I had gained around 10 pounds since the wedding and I wasn't happy with myself. I also thought that maybe the weight gain was affecting my chances of getting pregnant. Working out and eating healthier coundn't hurt my chances then, right? Wanting to get pregnant was one of the main reasons I decided to pave a healthier path for my life. Since then, we haven't stopped trying to get pregnant, but we aren't necessarily trying either. At least now getting pregnant isn't my focus. Being healthier is.

Not too long ago, I told myself it will happen when it's supposed to happen. Clearly at this point in our lives, God knows we aren't ready or he has other plans in store for us. After talking to my sister in-law Julie this last weekend, I really started to believe that more. I've always doubted my ability to be a good Mother and she told me she believed in me...that I would be a great Mother. She said that right now I should just enjoy life and it will happen when it is supposed to. She herself had a difficult time getting pregnant with their oldest child. After that, they got used to the idea that maybe another child just wasn't part of God's plan for them. Three years went by and then the next thing she knew, she was sitting in the doctor's office being told that they were pregnant. It came as a complete surprise, but they couldn't be happier now!

I guess my sister in law's story reinforces in me how important it is to believe that God does have a plan for all of us. And if children are in my future, then it will happen when it's supposed to. There's no sense trying to hurry up something that I don't really have control over. I'm doing my best to start living more in the moment and not be so concerned with the future. Afterall, our futures are made by the actions and decisions we make in the present.

I previously worked with a woman who was literally one of my best friends for the three years we were co-workers. Not only was she a great friend to me, she was like a second Mother. I don't know if she ever knew how much I valued her, but I did. When she was younger, she also had a hard time getting pregnant. She tried and tried and after probably countless unanswered prayers, she and her husaband adopted a boy and a girl. Time went by, and lo and behold, she found herself pregnant! Another miracle baby. What I remember most about her story though was what she told me one day while a certain song was playing on the radio. Unanswered Prayers, by Garth Brooks. She told me that whenever that song played she thought of the two children she adopted and how she had them because of seemingly unanswered prayers. She would have been very sad if she had never adopted them.It literally brought tears to her eyes and then mine. And now whenever I hear that song I can't help but think of her and that day she told me the story...it still gets to me every time!

In my heart, all I know for sure is that God really does have a plan for all of us...it may not be the same as the plans we made for ourselves or even what we think we want/need, but faith will get us through anything, good, bad, happy, sad, wonderful and tragic. I've also always believed that God never gives us more than we can handle and because of that, I know some pretty strong people...

I'm feeling rather nostalgic today...and dreamy...and happy :)
I realize my blog focus has taken a slightly different course than what you all are used to, but these things are important to me and soothe me as I write about them.