A few days ago I had to say goodbye to the only Grandfather I had ever known. Sadly, I was 15 minutes too late from seeing him take his last breath. My mom told me a few weeks back that he wasn't doing the greatest, but I guess I just assumed I had more time to go and visit him before his end would come. My family hasn't been very close for several years...how do I say this..?..years of family conflict has made it hard for me to understand where I stand in everyone's eyes and possibly where they stand in my own. We all have our own stories that shaped the person we have become today, and my story is one I've only told to a few. Sometimes I think life in general would maybe be easier if I opened up to others more, but then I realize I might lose some of the control I have on my life, so I remain stoic in many of my thoughts.
I've never lost anyone in my family before, other than my Grandma Sweet around 15 years ago. I had only met her a couple times, and strangely, I feel more sadness now about her death than I did all those years ago. Maybe because I was young then and didn't understand much about life, or maybe because I'm older now and starting my own family.
The memories I have of my Grandpa Hanssen are all good ones. When I was a young child, both of my grandparents played what I considered a significant role in my life. I remember being at their house a lot, picking apples from their trees, the basement smelling like moth balls, having Christmas dinner, their dog Wags, when they put the addition on their house, and going to church with them at the Bread of Life Church. I also remember all the car rides we would take...it probably wasn't that many, but I remember going up to Spencer many times to see my aunt Melinda and her family. I still remember that old green car he used to drive with the uncomfortable looking seat covers.
A lot of time has passed since those days, and many things have changed. And even though I'm not very close to much of my extended family, my grandfather's death hurt me just the same. I often wonder what my life could have been like if my story was different. Would I still be me? Or could I have been better version of me?
As I type this, I can feel the little one inside of me kick from time to time. I am reminded of how thankful I am for where my life has ended up, even though the road leading here wasn't very easy.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Pregnancy Laughs
Well, today I am 17 weeks pregnant. After work I have another OB appointment...
Pregnancy is such a funny thing and it's crazy how different it is for every woman and every individual pregnancy. There are a couple things that I want to comment on. First is the so called 'glow' that you are supposed to experience. For me, there is no glow...I call it a 'grease' instead because I have not had this oily of skin since junior high. Not only is it oily, but it tends to break out on command. I wake up with a fresh zit every morning...whether it's on my face, neck, back, or chest. I will be walking from the bathroom to the bedroom and my husband will come up behind me and start squeezing a zit on my back...how romantic, right? I'm ready for the glow.
Second is the size of my breasts. They have grown some, they aren't gigantic by any means, but they've definitely filled out more, and are still growing. My husband is obsessed with them! He's constantly trying to touch, grab, and lift them. I literally want to punch him in the face at times because he acts likes a 12 year old who has never seen boobs before. Seriously, before I know it, next he is going to try and milk me. Help...
Third is my growing baby bump. Unless you are really skinny to start out with, which I was not, your baby bump looks more like an increase in belly fat. I look in the mirror and strangely search for my bump underneath my thick layer of pudge. I think...where's my cute baby bump? I feel like I'm at the stage where if somebody didn't know if I was pregnant or not, that they wouldn't risk asking me because they wouldn't want to offend me if I wasn't. Really, I look like I could go either way.
Those were just of the things that have been running through my mind recently. Maybe you will get a kick out of them, and maybe you won't.
I haven't been able to feel the baby move yet, which is okay, it'll probably happen within the next couple of weeks. We've also decided that we aren't going to find out the sex until the big day. I would have been fine knowing or not knowing, but Travis said he wanted to have it be a surprise. I like surprises :)
I also recently found out that my sister in law is pregnant and so is her sister. Apparently we were all ovulating at the same time because our due dates are February 10th, 12th, and 13th. Let the ridiculousness begin...
Pregnancy is such a funny thing and it's crazy how different it is for every woman and every individual pregnancy. There are a couple things that I want to comment on. First is the so called 'glow' that you are supposed to experience. For me, there is no glow...I call it a 'grease' instead because I have not had this oily of skin since junior high. Not only is it oily, but it tends to break out on command. I wake up with a fresh zit every morning...whether it's on my face, neck, back, or chest. I will be walking from the bathroom to the bedroom and my husband will come up behind me and start squeezing a zit on my back...how romantic, right? I'm ready for the glow.
Second is the size of my breasts. They have grown some, they aren't gigantic by any means, but they've definitely filled out more, and are still growing. My husband is obsessed with them! He's constantly trying to touch, grab, and lift them. I literally want to punch him in the face at times because he acts likes a 12 year old who has never seen boobs before. Seriously, before I know it, next he is going to try and milk me. Help...
Third is my growing baby bump. Unless you are really skinny to start out with, which I was not, your baby bump looks more like an increase in belly fat. I look in the mirror and strangely search for my bump underneath my thick layer of pudge. I think...where's my cute baby bump? I feel like I'm at the stage where if somebody didn't know if I was pregnant or not, that they wouldn't risk asking me because they wouldn't want to offend me if I wasn't. Really, I look like I could go either way.
Those were just of the things that have been running through my mind recently. Maybe you will get a kick out of them, and maybe you won't.
I haven't been able to feel the baby move yet, which is okay, it'll probably happen within the next couple of weeks. We've also decided that we aren't going to find out the sex until the big day. I would have been fine knowing or not knowing, but Travis said he wanted to have it be a surprise. I like surprises :)
I also recently found out that my sister in law is pregnant and so is her sister. Apparently we were all ovulating at the same time because our due dates are February 10th, 12th, and 13th. Let the ridiculousness begin...
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Surreal is how I would describe it...
I started this blog towards the beginning of 2013. Surprisingly, I'm still using it...even if it's not as frequently as I used to. Many things in my life have changed or altered since January, and there will be many more changes to come in the near future.
In my last post I desperately wanted to spill the beans about me being pregnant and all the emotions I was feeling at the time. That's right, if you haven't already heard the news, I am PREGNANT! :)
There was a time when I never thought it would happen. It took us six months of trying, which honestly felt like a lifetime. Life plays somewhat of a mean trick on us because when you don't want to get pregnant you are afraid that it is going to happen. And then when you finally think you are ready for a baby, it doesn't quite happen how you plan or expect it to. Such is life I guess, and we must learn to roll with the punches, whether we like it or not.
I am roughly 15 weeks along at this point. One minute it seems like it's gone by so fast, and then the next minute it seems to be moving really slow because 'nothing is happening yet.' I'm probably one of the most impatient people I know...just ask my husband and he will tell you the same thing... I don't want to rush this pregnancy, but I am anxious to start seeing a baby bump.
A couple weeks ago we went in for our first ultrasound. First we got to hear the heartbeat, which was pretty neat. But being able to see the little bugger moving and stretching out during the ultrasound was way cool. You know, up until that point, it was hard to let it sink in that I was really pregnant. Other than being tired beyond tired and suffering from some morning sickness, it was as if nothing had changed. I'm not very good at expressing my emotions and I'm a pretty private person (when I blog it's like I'm not actually talking to anyone...) so I think people think that I'm not excited to be pregnant. Of course I'm excited! I just don't always like to talk about it. Sorry. That's just me.
I have many more thoughts on pregnancy, but this is all I have time for today. Stay tuned. Or don't.
In my last post I desperately wanted to spill the beans about me being pregnant and all the emotions I was feeling at the time. That's right, if you haven't already heard the news, I am PREGNANT! :)
There was a time when I never thought it would happen. It took us six months of trying, which honestly felt like a lifetime. Life plays somewhat of a mean trick on us because when you don't want to get pregnant you are afraid that it is going to happen. And then when you finally think you are ready for a baby, it doesn't quite happen how you plan or expect it to. Such is life I guess, and we must learn to roll with the punches, whether we like it or not.
I am roughly 15 weeks along at this point. One minute it seems like it's gone by so fast, and then the next minute it seems to be moving really slow because 'nothing is happening yet.' I'm probably one of the most impatient people I know...just ask my husband and he will tell you the same thing... I don't want to rush this pregnancy, but I am anxious to start seeing a baby bump.
A couple weeks ago we went in for our first ultrasound. First we got to hear the heartbeat, which was pretty neat. But being able to see the little bugger moving and stretching out during the ultrasound was way cool. You know, up until that point, it was hard to let it sink in that I was really pregnant. Other than being tired beyond tired and suffering from some morning sickness, it was as if nothing had changed. I'm not very good at expressing my emotions and I'm a pretty private person (when I blog it's like I'm not actually talking to anyone...) so I think people think that I'm not excited to be pregnant. Of course I'm excited! I just don't always like to talk about it. Sorry. That's just me.
I have many more thoughts on pregnancy, but this is all I have time for today. Stay tuned. Or don't.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
I'm too blessed to be stressed :)
Last night I lied awake in bed for about an hour...feeling restless and irritated. Not only because I couldn't fall back asleep, but also from all the thoughts running through my head. Sometimes I wish our brains had an on/off switch so we could control what and when we wanted to deal with different things. Lately I've been stressed out by the things that other people have been telling me. Stressed to the point that I don't want to talk to anyone more than I have to. I guess at this point in my life I expect the people that are supposed to care about me to not disrespect me or my husband. I realize I am being vague, but this is me trying to vent without getting into the situation. I kept telling myself in the middle of the night that I'm too blessed to be stressed. I just repeated it over and over until I finally fell asleep. When I awoke this morning, it was also the first thought that came to my mind. I'm too blessed to be stressed, I'm too blessed to be stressed :)
Just saying those words made me feel better about things. When I really think about it, what do I have to be stressed over? I have a great husband, family, and life. The last thing I want to do is let the words of other people affect my happiness.
I will say it one more time, I'm too blessed to be stressed!! If you want to stress me out or bring drama into my life, don't come a'knockin because nobody is home...
Just saying those words made me feel better about things. When I really think about it, what do I have to be stressed over? I have a great husband, family, and life. The last thing I want to do is let the words of other people affect my happiness.
I will say it one more time, I'm too blessed to be stressed!! If you want to stress me out or bring drama into my life, don't come a'knockin because nobody is home...
Monday, June 24, 2013
Some New, Some Old
It has been quite a while since my last post...and even so, I still don't have much to write about.
Saturday I ran my first 5K in three weeks, also my first 'competitive race' in two months. It was definitely rough and I wanted to quit the entire time I was running it! Haha, it's crazy how hard it can be to do something you used to do every day when you've taken some time off from it. My time wasn't the greatest either, but I've definitely ran it slower in the past, 26:48. Didn't place either, but like I said, I was literally just happy I finished it without walking! Next, I have the Color Run Des Moines coming up on July 13th. That is the last one I'm already signed up for. Who knows what I'll do after that... I'm excited for the Color Run because my team consists of some girls that I don't get to see very often. I think it will be a good time for us to catch up and have some fun together. I'm hoping for decent weather :)
Old News:
A few weeks back, my brother Chris and his wife had their third child. Little Iyla Mae is the cutest little thing! I have to admit, I have only been to see her once and that was while they were still in the hospital. Seems like life gets so busy and all the really important things get put on the back burner so you can take care of the things that come up unexpectedly or last minute :/
I was also in a wedding over Father's Day weekend for my friend Ashley. Weddings are beautiful and fun, but I am certainly glad that that was my first and last wedding that I am a part of this year! LOL\
Interesting FYI:
As you know, I'm a huge fan of green tea. I came across an interesting fact the other day though that has made me think twice about it. If you are pregnant or trying to get pregnant, you should steer clear of green tea because there is an antioxidant in it that can affect the way your body handles folic acid, which we all know is important for a growing baby. Just something to keep in mind if you didn't already know it and it relates to you :)
Saturday I ran my first 5K in three weeks, also my first 'competitive race' in two months. It was definitely rough and I wanted to quit the entire time I was running it! Haha, it's crazy how hard it can be to do something you used to do every day when you've taken some time off from it. My time wasn't the greatest either, but I've definitely ran it slower in the past, 26:48. Didn't place either, but like I said, I was literally just happy I finished it without walking! Next, I have the Color Run Des Moines coming up on July 13th. That is the last one I'm already signed up for. Who knows what I'll do after that... I'm excited for the Color Run because my team consists of some girls that I don't get to see very often. I think it will be a good time for us to catch up and have some fun together. I'm hoping for decent weather :)
Old News:
A few weeks back, my brother Chris and his wife had their third child. Little Iyla Mae is the cutest little thing! I have to admit, I have only been to see her once and that was while they were still in the hospital. Seems like life gets so busy and all the really important things get put on the back burner so you can take care of the things that come up unexpectedly or last minute :/
I was also in a wedding over Father's Day weekend for my friend Ashley. Weddings are beautiful and fun, but I am certainly glad that that was my first and last wedding that I am a part of this year! LOL\
Interesting FYI:
As you know, I'm a huge fan of green tea. I came across an interesting fact the other day though that has made me think twice about it. If you are pregnant or trying to get pregnant, you should steer clear of green tea because there is an antioxidant in it that can affect the way your body handles folic acid, which we all know is important for a growing baby. Just something to keep in mind if you didn't already know it and it relates to you :)
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Heads Up
I just wanted to share something that could be interesting or helpful to maybe at least one person! Haha...well, the other day I decided to bust out one of my old Jillian Michael's workout DVDs that I haven't done in probably 4 years! Needless to say, I didn't remember at all what the workout was like. This particular workout was Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism. Surprisingly, there are SEVERAL moves/exercises in the workout that are identical or nearly identical to some of the moves from the Insanity workout. The only difference really is that they aren't as intense because you don't move as fast (Insanity is Max Interval training where you do as many reps as you can....Jillian's is slower and more for beginners). So, if Insanity is something you are interested in doing, maybe check out this Jillian workout. And if you didn't know, most of Jillian's workouts are on YouTube, so you don't even have to buy them. You can simply follow along on your laptop! Or at least check them out to see if you want to buy them.
So, again, this workout has many moves that are in Insanity, but definitely is not the same. Insanity has more stretching, yoga/pilates, and is more intense. However, if you are looking for something to try before taking the Insanity plunge, Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism will definitely bring up your heart rate and make you sweat a ton!
So, again, this workout has many moves that are in Insanity, but definitely is not the same. Insanity has more stretching, yoga/pilates, and is more intense. However, if you are looking for something to try before taking the Insanity plunge, Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism will definitely bring up your heart rate and make you sweat a ton!
I Bought A Treadmill!
I've wanted a treadmill for just about as long as I can remember. It's one of those things that every time I go to look at them, with good intentions of buying one, I get nervous and go home without picking one out! My friend Laney told me we weren't going home without one last weekend, so I finally bit the bullet!
Dunham's was having what seemed like a pretty good sale on treadmills so we looked there first. I basically already knew what their selection was, but wanted to look them over again. There were three Pro-Forms on sale, but neither of them really spoke to me. Probably sounds silly, but I need a treadmill that I have a connection with! I decided that I didn't want to spend a lot of money at all. Sure, a $2000 treadmill would be awesome, but we really don't have the room for it...in our house or in our budget... I wanted to go check out the ones at WalMart again. Sounds cheap, but they sell Gold's Gym equipment and that stuff is pretty decent in my experience. After comparing motors, I decided to go with the Gold's Gym treadmill that WalMart was selling because the motor was better than the two cheaper Pro-Forms and equal to the one that was more than double the price at Dunham's. Besides, I don't need all the fancy extras.
After getting it in the house that night, Travis and I decided to take it out of the box and haul it upstairs piece by piece because the box was so big and heavy. While carrying the largest piece together, Travis accidently stepped on a part of the plastic concole and ended up cracking about five inches! The part that cracked in no way will affect the effectiveness of the treadmill, but that didn't keep me from nearly bursting into tears! I've waited so long to have my own treadmill and the moment I get one, something stupid had to happen. Travis said he'd take it back and tell them it was cracked when we opened it, but there wasn't any way I was going to let him take it away from me right when I got it! I had already formed a bond with it, and I didn't want to go through the hassle of getting a new one. It's nothing a little super glue won't fix!We haven't assembled it yet, but hope to get that all done tonight and give her a test run.
Spring/Summer time seems like a silly time to purchase a treadmill, but with the crazy weather we've been having lately it's been a pain trying to get outside to run. And instead of paying for an expensive gym membership, it really was time for me to just get my own.
Side note: Done with Insanity. I haven't decided if I'm going to start it up again. I'm kind of thinking I'm going to take a break because I'm a little sick of it. I didn't get the results I wanted...so we will see.
***Update***
I've used the treadmill a couple times now and everything seems great with it! And, I don't even notice the stupid crack anymore!
Dunham's was having what seemed like a pretty good sale on treadmills so we looked there first. I basically already knew what their selection was, but wanted to look them over again. There were three Pro-Forms on sale, but neither of them really spoke to me. Probably sounds silly, but I need a treadmill that I have a connection with! I decided that I didn't want to spend a lot of money at all. Sure, a $2000 treadmill would be awesome, but we really don't have the room for it...in our house or in our budget... I wanted to go check out the ones at WalMart again. Sounds cheap, but they sell Gold's Gym equipment and that stuff is pretty decent in my experience. After comparing motors, I decided to go with the Gold's Gym treadmill that WalMart was selling because the motor was better than the two cheaper Pro-Forms and equal to the one that was more than double the price at Dunham's. Besides, I don't need all the fancy extras.
After getting it in the house that night, Travis and I decided to take it out of the box and haul it upstairs piece by piece because the box was so big and heavy. While carrying the largest piece together, Travis accidently stepped on a part of the plastic concole and ended up cracking about five inches! The part that cracked in no way will affect the effectiveness of the treadmill, but that didn't keep me from nearly bursting into tears! I've waited so long to have my own treadmill and the moment I get one, something stupid had to happen. Travis said he'd take it back and tell them it was cracked when we opened it, but there wasn't any way I was going to let him take it away from me right when I got it! I had already formed a bond with it, and I didn't want to go through the hassle of getting a new one. It's nothing a little super glue won't fix!We haven't assembled it yet, but hope to get that all done tonight and give her a test run.
Spring/Summer time seems like a silly time to purchase a treadmill, but with the crazy weather we've been having lately it's been a pain trying to get outside to run. And instead of paying for an expensive gym membership, it really was time for me to just get my own.
Side note: Done with Insanity. I haven't decided if I'm going to start it up again. I'm kind of thinking I'm going to take a break because I'm a little sick of it. I didn't get the results I wanted...so we will see.
***Update***
I've used the treadmill a couple times now and everything seems great with it! And, I don't even notice the stupid crack anymore!
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