I wish when I created this blog I would have thought about the name a little longer. Yes, I do feel happy and I am fairly healthy, but I am definitely not free... What I mean is that I am not free of problems or worries or self doubt and so many other things. I don't think that is a reality that I could ever say is mine. Here's what got me thinking...
While reading a fellow blogger's post about wearing imaginary tshirts that explain something about ourselves because we feel the need to make ourselves seem better than we do at that moment (f.e. Somebody eating a big fat cheeseburger might wish they were wearing a tshirt that says 'I usually order a salad'), I began to think about all the imaginary tshirts that I wear. Honestly, it made me a little sad. Here's why..
The first tshirt I thought of was 'I didn't used to be this uptight' and the second tshirt was 'I used to be a lot of fun.' Sure, many of us probably feel this way at some point. It's understandable, right? But then I asked myself why? Why am I so uptight now? Why am I not fun anymore? Seriously, what happened to me!? I can't blame it on having a kid or even getting married because I felt this change slowly happening before those events occurred. I think initially I told myself that this is what happens when you grow up. I am an adult and I have responsibilities. It's time to start acting that way. But since when did becoming a responsible adult mean that I wasn't allowed to have fun anymore? Bleh :/ I think what attracted Travis and I to each other 4 years ago was our ability to just have fun, go with the flow, and not care what other people think EVER. He is still that way and sadly I am not...but I'd like to be again. I'm just not sure how to get there, but I am willing to try. If not for my sake, for the sake of my husband.
Imaginary tshirts hang in all our closets because at some point we do care what other people think. I think that's fine and quite unavoidable. But when we start to think about what those tshirts say and why, we might try a little harder to donate them to Goodwill.
Below is a picture of me sitting/riding a moving sidewalk in Las Vegas. Definitely a time when I felt free and wore an imaginary shirt that said 'I don't give a crap what you think of me :)'
